JOINT BASE LEWIS-MCCHORD, Wash. — Preparing for a short-notice deployment to the Middle East, Capt. Aaron Lee arrived at the base pharmacy this week only to discover he was once again standing behind a retiree who appears to have survived several administrations, three wars, and most known causes of death.

The retiree, 78-year-old Tech. Sgt. (Ret.) Carl Parker, was asleep upright in a wheelchair near the front of the line with what witnesses described as “a medically theoretical pulse.”

“That retiree is here every day,” said Red Cross volunteer Sarah Jones. “He waits four hours to pick up a single day’s worth of heart medication, then comes back the next morning and does it again.”

According to pharmacy staff, Parker's resting heart rate is approximately 27 beats per minute, a figure several medical professionals described as “more of a suggestion than a vital sign.”

Parker retired after 20 years of service and has been filling prescriptions at McChord for more than three decades.

Although eligible for Veterans Affairs healthcare, Parker said he prefers the atmosphere of the military pharmacy.

“I like talking to the young airmen,” he said after being gently awakened by a volunteer. “I ask about their jobs, tell them stories from my service, and point out when their uniforms are out of regs. In my day, our troops looked sharp. Now some of them have boobs.”

For every active-duty service member waiting at the pharmacy, officials estimated there were roughly five retirees and spouses.

Several admitted they no longer required medication but continued showing up out of habit.

“This is basically my social life,” one retiree explained. “Yesterday I spent three hours discussing lawn fertilizer and the Korean War with a guy who wasn't even in the Korean War.”

Despite needing medication before deployment, Lee ultimately left without filling his prescription.

“If spending four hours at the base pharmacy is how this guy gets his kicks, who am I to judge?” Lee said. “I’m just not gonna sit around and watch him get resuscitated twice in a waiting period, all for him to refuse an ambulance and drive himself home.” 

Lee said he briefly reconsidered after watching Parker stop breathing twice, regain consciousness without assistance, and successfully argue with a pharmacist about uniform standards from 1987.

At press time, Parker was reportedly still holding his place in line despite being declared deceased by three separate medical providers.