Trump offers Maduro pardon for three kilos of cocaine
President says deal would be ‘tremendous,’ ‘very fair,’ and ‘honestly a win for everyone’
3 min read
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Latest issues
Military websites undergo annual update to make them worse
“We’re working hard to make the SIPR sites you need the most confusing piles of shit imaginable," an official said.
3 min read
Pentagon strikes 'narco-terrorist' sleigh, reindeer off Venezuela coast
Notorious home invader finally neutralized in Christmas Eve strike, officials say.
4 min read
Hegseth blames fog of war after wrapping car around tree
Pentagon staff unsure whether to update safety briefs or call a meteorologist.
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Most powerful military in history mobilized to arrest guy washing dishes
Pentagon confirms use of 47,000 troops, 92 aircraft, and 13 general officers to oversee the operation.
3 min read
Defense Security Cooperation Agency replaced by Office of Cool Knives from the PX
Critics question strategic value of switchblade diplomacy.
4 min read
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Nation that doesn’t care about Russian war crimes also doesn’t care about American war crimes
“Unless it tastes good or looks cool, I am completely out of fucks to give,” said one citizen.
4 min read
Hegseth attends Army-Navy game in full pads
Defense Secretary insists he's “ready if they need me."
4 min read
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Navy football unveils new uniforms honoring Lisa Frank dolphins
Midshipmen say the rainbow dolphins “perfectly capture the soul of Navy football.”
4 min read
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Hegseth says he supports contributions of ‘colored troops and broads’
Despite lacking a Ranger tab, defense secretary critiques women who earned theirs
3 min read
Hegseth disappointed Sexual Assault Training only covers prevention
Defense Secretary allegedly confused training for a ‘how-to’ seminar.
2 min read
Duffel Blog presents: 10 other things Admiral Bradley is solely responsible for
Admiral also responsible for 90% of what’s wrong with America
6 min read
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Accountability! DoD IG fired over Hegseth Signal-gate report
SECDEF roots out deep state bureaucrats pushing radical left ideologies of law and ethics.
3 min read
Third-class petty officer promoted to first-class douchebag
Retired as captain, remembered as cautionary tale.
3 min read
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Pentagon recalls Hegseth to active duty for violating most of the UCMJ
“He promised accountability,” says lawyer holding 3,000-page indictment.
4 min read
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Hegseth demands female service members treat all orders as lawful
The policy was praised by creepy E-7s going through their second divorce.
3 min read
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Study confirms best time to be in military was exactly 5 years before you joined
Every generation agrees: yours ruined everything.
2 min read
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Pentagon orders Guard troops to return pay after judge rules DC mission ‘unlawful'
The ruling has sent shockwaves through the ranks, especially among those who bought essential items like divorce attorneys, energy drinks, and Zyn.
5 min read
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Saudi crown prince gifts Trump solid gold bone saw
Kingdom's sharp diplomatic gesture cuts through red tape and flesh
4 min read
Guy who almost joined military now enjoying career as ICE agent
He may still join the military, but only after his mom gets back from Bingo.
5 min read
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