“It’s funny and says what a lot of us can’t really say out loud but are totally thinking.”
— ISAAC
“The real news sounds like satire, and I appreciate that y’all are out there skewering it in sharp, funny ways.”
— EMMA
"[They] do God’s work and I’ve been enjoying it for at least a decade.”
— RUSS
Secretary of War orders maximum lethality, receives minimum validation
Check rejected after department fails standard government name verification form
Department of Defense to rebrand as Also War Department
This marks the first time a cosplay militia has been federally activated by executive order
Pentagon insists new base name will really bring the country together this time
Under the agreement, the Taliban will offer “on-the-ground expertise” in displacing and shattering the lives of former allies.
Audit finds lack of dead hang directly correlated with collapse of two nations
If you soil yourself you’re guaranteed to be flagged for having something wrong with you.
Historic title to be replaced with something the SECDEF can say without giggling
Governor hails “historic partnership” between citrus industry and underpaid weekend warriors
Banana tariffs, China, and showing his butt top agenda for new flack
Witnesses say the disrespect rivaled Pearl Harbor, 9/11, and kneeling during the anthem
U.S. intel community describes situation as “super-weird, even for Alaska”
Sources say unmade bed had more loose ends than the Afghanistan withdrawal
Police officer removes SECDEF using towel and rubber gloves
Trade deadline shocker shakes up NATO division standings
Rebrand includes new signage, commemorative coins, and same culture of unanswered questions and haunted latrines.
The Fort’s marketing office is working with the Defense Logistics Agency to develop a new hawk mascot in Oakleys.
